They've shut down — silent, withdrawn

What's likely happening

Shutdown at this age can look like sulking, refusing to speak, going completely still, or physically removing themselves and not returning. Underneath is a nervous system that has hit its ceiling and chosen collapse over explosion. Kids this age often feel shame about shutdown, "I do not know why I do that," because it feels outside their control. It is outside their control. That is the point.

What to say

You do not have to explain anything right now. I am not upset. I am just here.

What to do

1Remove any performance pressure entirely. No task, no conversation required.
2Sit nearby in a relaxed way: not staring, not hovering, just present.
3If they will accept it: a quiet activity together, no talking required (drawing, building, sitting outside).
4Let them initiate any conversation. Do not fill the silence with questions.
5When they surface: gentle reconnection before any attempt to revisit what triggered it.

What to watch for

"I am fine" when they are clearly not is a shutdown signal, not defiance. Do not push through it. The goal is to make coming back feel safe, not to extract an explanation.

The bigger picture

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I tried it — how did it go?