Distracted — not ignoring on purpose, just not here

What's likely happening

You might hear: "I was just..." as they trail off into something else entirely. Distraction at this age is usually interference: noise, task-switching, an open loop calling their attention away, negative self-talk, or an environment with too many competing stimuli. The flashlight is available but something else keeps grabbing it. Identifying the interference is the first step.

What to say

Let's clear the space and try again. What is pulling your attention right now?

What to do

1Name the distraction without judgment: "I see your eyes keep going to the window. What is out there?"
2Address the interference if possible: clear the table, reduce noise, close the other thing.
3Help them identify the open loop: "Is there something else on your mind? Let's write it down so your brain can let it go."
4Re-engage with a clear, specific goal: "Just this one thing for the next 10 minutes."
5Use a Wake-up if needed: something novel, funny, or surprising about the current task that makes the brain click back online. Humor and novelty are the fastest attention-returners available. Even a sudden change of voice or a ridiculous question can do it.

What to watch for

Self-talk is often the hidden interference at this age. A child who is telling themselves "I can't do this" or "this is stupid" has created internal noise that competes with the task. Surfacing the self-talk gently, "what is the little voice in your head saying right now?", can release its grip.

The bigger picture

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I tried it — how did it go?